Out of Time, Out of Place
by BunnyPhobia
Summary: My first fanfic. Buffy faces up to the mess that is her life. Please R/R


Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. They belong to Joss.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, you know I love you?"  
  
Buffy turned, almost unwilling, to face the tall, partly naked vampire behind her.  
  
She paused, not really looking at him, before whispering, "I know it Spike"  
  
"And that I'd do anything for you?"  
  
"I know that"  
  
"Then why won't you let me in?" Spike moved over to her, grabbing her roughly by the arms. She didn't resist. She didn't have the energy.  
  
"All this. All this, all the time. Yet you still won't talk!"  
  
All this? Oh. He meant the sex. Buffy slowly raised her eyes to survey the partly destroyed crypt. The sex they kept having. That was 'all this' That was all it was. It didn't mean she had to talk to him. She didn't have to talk to anyone.  
  
Everything was out of place, the TV smashed on the floor. The rugs rumpled, partly shredded, the cabinet on one end, the drawers and their contents strewn across the floor.  
  
The memory of last night – the faint, hazy remembrance of what had happened – Spike, her, the animal that they created. The beast with two backs - was enough to make Buffy smile a wry smile.  
  
"No Spike" What she said didn't make sense, but it felt right. 'No'. She didn't say that word very often anymore.  
  
"No Spike? You laughing at me now Slayer?" Buffy felt his concern, though from a great distance. She felt it in his eyes, the tone of his voice, even the feel of his grip on her skin told her how her felt. But she didn't reply or retaliate. She didn't have the energy.  
  
Everything was out of place.  
  
"I have to go"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Home. Dawn…she'll be getting up soon. I have to be there when she does. I haven't been there enough. She's suffering"  
  
Buffy felt his grip loosen, felt his hands drop away.  
  
"Good. Good Slayer, you go. If Dawnie needs you, you go"  
  
Buffy turned, eyes downcast, trying not to look at the destruction around her, nor the destruction that was in her. Just focus on the door, the exit, the way out.  
  
"Just remember what you need. Remember the darkness"  
  
She swallowed hard at the sounds of his voice, and left the crypt.  
  
  
  
"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?" Willow blinked back the tears that she felt forming in her eyes. The tears burned, they hurt, as she watched Tara pack. As Tara left the house with out a backward glance, as Willow curled up in a ball and felt as if her heart would break…  
  
She opened her eyes. Dark. Black.  
  
"Nighttime" She concluded. "A dream" A pause. "A memory" It may only have been a dream, but the ache was still there. That ache wouldn't subside until Tara returned. Everything was out of place and in pain until she did.  
  
Sitting up in the bed that was far too cold and far too empty, Willow looked at the clock. 5.00am. Too early to get up, and too late to go to sleep. What was she going to do? Realising that her mind was still thinking about Tara, Willow silently chided herself for waking up to such a depressing topic, and flung back the bedcovers, slipping out of bed.  
  
Perhaps a glass of milk would make her feel better.  
  
"Yeah. 'Cos calcium solves all of life's troubles" She muttered. Leaving the bedroom, she tiptoed down the landing. Willow smiled to herself as she heard Dawn muttering in her sleep, and went down stairs.  
  
"Buffy?!" Willow gazed in surprise as the Slayer eased herself quietly through the half open front door. Buffy snapped her head round at the sound, feeling the now-familiar waves of guilt flooding through her as she saw her friend.  
  
"Hey Will" She replied, the joviality in her voice ringing false and forced in her ears. She slipped through the door fully and shut it quietly behind her. She looked at Willow fully – noting the misery on her face and tear- stained eyes, and felt the world come a step closer.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Willow smiled bravely. "I'm good. But I couldn't sleep" She paused as some painful memory took hold of her. "Have fun slaying things?"  
  
Buffy froze as the images of that night ran through her mind. Spike. Her. The beast with two backs. Everything going out of place.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"That's good. I'm just getting some milk," Willow pointed to the kitchen. "Want some?"  
  
Nodding slightly, Buffy followed her friend, wondering how someone she'd known so long could seem so distant. Buffy watched Willow, as she got the milk out the fridge, got two tall glasses from the cupboard, and felt a sudden rush of emotion, of love, for her best friend.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"Sure, what about?" Willow seated herself on a stool. She peered at the expression on Buffy's face in confusion. Confusion became concern, as Buffy's eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Oh Buffy! What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. Everything! Oh I don't know where I am anymore Willow!" The Slayer felt her friends arms around her, a source of comfort. "Everything's out of place! Everything's wrong"  
  
"Shh. Shh" Willow hushed, as Buffy's body was wracked with sobs. "I know how you feel. And everything's going to be alright"  
  
  
  
Spike surveyed his crypt. Everything out of place – a jumbled, scrambled mess. He almost liked it this way. It reflected his state of mind, and the state of his life. But Buffy didn't.  
  
At one time, the only reason she would have had to visit his crypt, would have been to put a large wooden stake through his chest. But things change. People die. Slayer's get resurrected. Vampire's fall in love.  
  
Spike smiled a wry smile, echoing the one that had been on Buffy's lips not an hour before. She needed him now. She said she didn't – in fact, she said very little, but Spike knew it was true. With him, she could escape the trials and trivialities of life, come into the darkness, tend to her needs. With him she could forget the chaos outside and be only herself.  
  
Sighing, Spike picked up the TV, standing it upright. She'd be back tomorrow. Back to take what she needed, back to this place. Back to him.  
  
And he'd be here. In his place.  
  
Waiting… 


End file.
